This is a message to all of my friends who have continued to make an effort during this time. I hope it will remind you to call a friend, or to thank one.
To my dearest friends during Quarantine -
It has been 138 days since I have hugged you. 138 days since I have let go of inhibitions and danced with you at a crowded bar. 138 days since I invited you over for a movie night.
It has NOT been 138 days however, since I have laughed with you, cried with you, made new memories with you, offered you advice, or been comforted by you in a time of need. I have not been with you physically in over five months, but I am so blessed that in all that time you never really left my side.
You have continued to show up for me, despite the struggles in your own life and the struggles coming to light outside our walls. Your effort to strengthen this relationship and connect with me right now has not gone unnoticed.
Adult friendships are tough. I don’t see you every day by the lockers after science class anymore, and there aren't too many football games on to watch together at a bar. As an adult, every day you have to wake up and decide to put in work to have a relationship with your friends. Putting in work doesn’t mean you have to text them every day, or have a scheduled Zoom date every week - it means that every once in a while you have to make an effort, you have to show up, you have to make plans.
My freshman year of college, I got placed in an apartment with three random roommates. We lived together in a medium sized, one floor apartment with a shared kitchen and living room. Throughout the course of the entire semester I saw them maybe five times - and it wasn’t hard to not see them. I didn’t ask them to hang out, they didn’t tell me when they went to the grocery store. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, they're great people, it honestly just takes such minimal effort to let a friendship slip away. Don’t check up on them, don’t invite them to things, don’t follow them on Instagram - the end. We lived together in the same house and it didn’t work out. Now we are all physically separated and can only leave the house to grocery shop or take the dog on a walk? Relationships will end during quarantine. That’s a fact. They may not be irreparable, but they will fade because it's easy.
But you are not letting our friendship fade. Even on the days when you could not be 100% present for me, you reached out and told me that you needed space; you were transparent, and you texted me back on the good days to see how I was doing. You continued the conversation even after I forgot to respond.
People can show up for you in a million and one different ways - some are obvious, some are subtle. It is so important to recognize who has been showing up for you during these unprecedented times. It takes effort, it takes empathy. True friendship isn’t sold on Amazon, it is a two sided relationship that can be hard work, and deserves considerable acknowledgment.
I hope that during this time, I have been a good of a friend to you, as you have been to me. If I have not, I promise to try harder because you have been with me through thick and thin, and for that I must thank you over and over again.
Thank you for the Zoom game nights, the mid-day WhatsApp group calls, and the 5-hour cross timezone FaceTimes. Thank you for checking in on me. Thank you for the dog pics when I was in a mood. Thank you for the Instagram comments on my weightloss journey check in. Thank you for the DMs after I opened up about losing my job.
Thank you for not being mad when I needed to get away from my computer. Thank you for checking in on my family. Thank you for sharing your stories with me so that I can learn. Thank you for sharing links and articles and movies with me about the good, the bad, and the ugly of this world. Thank you for being vulnerable with me, and honest. Thank you for calling me out when you asked “How are you?” and I said, “Oh, fine.”
You have found ways to make me feel good about myself. You have found ways to make me laugh. You have found ways to make me feel like the whole world isn’t imploding. You have found ways to inspire me.
You have asked me for advice which made the world feel more normal. You dropped a bag of wine and cheese on my doorstep for a Zoom wine + cheese tasting. You texted me before every virtual workout to keep me accountable. You kept book club going virtually. You mailed me pieces of string to make a friendship bracelet. You asked me to be your bridesmaid. You texted me photos of your new house renovations, and told me exactly where I will sleep when I can finally come over. Your mom jumped in and said ‘Hi’ while we were video chatting, and you asked me to bring the phone to my mom so you could say ‘Hi’ to her too. You decorated my driveway with chalk on my birthday. You watched “The Circle” with me on Netflix Party. You proofread my article for work. You told me that you were proud of me. You called me in the middle of the day, laughing hysterically about something your kid just did. You reminded me that staying in bed and snacking all day is sometimes okay.
You, my friend, have been with me through all of this and that means more to me than you could ever know.
Every single one of these actions speaks to your kindness; speaks to the effort that you put forward to keep this friendship alive. Social media gets a bad rap sometimes for being shallow and superficial and a way to hide behind a screen, but in a time where that is all we have - you used it to your advantage to keep our relationship strong.
Thank you almost doesn’t seem like enough, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I love you. I can’t wait to see you in person again and I am forever grateful and blessed that you have entered my life and decided not to leave. Whether we are fighting through a pandemic, a national crisis, a move, a revolution, a breakup, an election, or all of the above - I know that in-person or virtually, you will be there for me and I will be there for you. Thank you, friend.
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